Written by Steven D’Adamo
Steve here with another update from Fort Talk Local. Manpreet has encouraged me to keep writing these blogs until we can connect with real people again, and hopefully find Seva Man, who is still somewhere in the Midwest.
Since reuniting with our leader and fortifying our home, we have become emboldened. We conduct frequent raids to CostCo, gathering up as much supplies as we can, and search through surrounding neighborhoods for other survivors. We’re ecstatic to report that there are more than we thought!
We also send out parties to find zombies. And boy have we learned a few lessons…
– Cotton t-shirts are not made for protection of any kind.
– Bare skin is an open invitation to bites and scratches.
– Real armor is hard to find.
And that’s why we’ve each begun designing our own, custom armor. I advise that you do the same, and I have some ideas to get you started. Now that you know how to zombie-proof your home, it’s time to venture out and help others. Here are some easy, DIY armor ideas.
1. Headgear. Helmets, goggles, sunglasses, those weird earmuffs that wrap around the back of your head, even a hockey mask. Protect your face and head from scratches. Ears, eyes, and long hair are particularly vulnerable to pulling and gouging.
2. Thick materials. Your plain cotton t’s won’t cut it anymore. Rummage through your parents’ closet for an 80’s-style leather vest, or find thicker jackets to use as upper body reinforcement. Scrap denim is great for reinforcing joints and limbs in long-sleeved shirts, or doubling up on leg protection.
3. Real shoes. You can wear sandals or crocs (vomit) the next time you feel safe wandering around outside mostly naked. Ditch the open-toed footwear for something that will actually protect your feet. Above-the-ankle, steel-tipped, waterproof boots are ideal.
4. Get creative. Use plastic or metal scraps as a form of padding on your clothes. Seriously. Just go Office Space on a computer monitor and tie the strips of plastic around your forearms for some homemade wrist-guards. Nothing says “Don’t bite me!” like a swinging, plastic-reinforced forearm to the teeth.
5. Duct tape. Yes, old reliable even has its uses during the zombie apocalypse. Don’t have any fancy clothes or makeshift armor? Duct-tape your arms and legs, or any bare skin you don’t mind taping up. While the zombies are busy chewing on your cheap armor, you’ll be busy bashing their heads in. Just don’t cut off circulation.
6. Combine 4 and 5. Go big by duct taping plastic or metal scraps to a long-sleeved shirt, and then taping up any open fabric. The tape will prevent fabric from ripping, and the added armor is just that.
It’s just so hard to find a reliable tailor in the post-apocalyptic wasteland. However, you should be able to find something to protect yourself with as you forage for food, survivors, or vintage Pokemon cards… whatever floats your boat.
Stay safe, and get to fighting. Steve out.
Tags: apocalypse, home improvement, zombies
