Written by Steven D’Adamo
Good news Seva Callers! It appears that our collective efforts to root out the zombies and help other survivors has been working; there seem to be less and less undead lurking around the neighborhood every day.
And more good news! We found the remaining founders, previously lost on a Chipotle run. Figures that they were holed up in Chipotle, happily living off of an endless supply of rice, tortilla chips, and Tabasco sauce.
But there is still one key person missing from Fort Seva Call: Seva Man himself! The last we heard from him, he was in Green Bay, where the locals had turned Lambeau Field into Lambeau Castle, evidently taking our protective measures to grand proportions.
Now, we’re preparing to empty Fort Seva Call on a desperate rescue mission to bring our hero back to his now-fortified home. But we can’t just roll out in a used Corolla and expect a high survival rate. So we’re turning a few of the Seva Call commuter cars into zombie-busting vehicles.
If you have finished working to zombie-proof your home, join our convoy rescue mission across the US! But make some modifications to your cars first.
The Roadster
It’s all well and good to transform a truck into a zombie-crushing tank — or to have an actual tank — but you may find a small, zippy road car useful to get in and out of tight spots quickly and quietly.
So find a small sedan or sports coupe with a decent engine, and reinforce the front and back bumpers with some unused garden tools, preferably of the sharp variety. You can even do this all the way around the car.
Then take a page out of the hurricane-proofing book and reinforce the side and rear windows with hurricane film. This peel-and-stick film will keep glass from shattering in your face and allow ample visibility.
The Caravan
It’s not very efficient to have only a few people to a car. If you’re travelling in large groups, use a bus or large van to transport lots of people or supplies at once.
Make those passengers useful by having them deflect oncoming zombies out of drilled holes in the side of the vehicle. You could even build a plywood-reinforced bunker on top of the van for some extra protection and a bird’s-eye view of the action.
Or you could just turn it into a party bus.
The (Zombie) Monster Truck
This is the vehicle you want for traversing rough terrain and bursting through a mosh pit of zombies without a scratch.
Thick-treaded tires, raised suspension, steel bumpers, and tinted, reinforced windows won’t look gaudy when they’re bulldozing through a city’s worth of hungry walkers. You might as well use an actual bulldozer if you can find one.
Go all out with the above modifications. Don’t worry about how fast you can reach 60 mph. This vehicle is for powering through the most dangerous situations.
Load your monster truck with your best fighters and heaviest weapons, and let it charge through the undead masses, clearing a path for the rest of the convoy.
Are you ready? Because we’re moving out! Off to save Seva Man!
Tags: apocalypse, zombie
