Life After a Power Outage: The Guide for Dummies
After spending a few days in the dark — both figuratively and literally — you emerge from your basement like a caveman into the industrial revolution 2.0. Your house has power again and your options seem endless: hot food or cold food, a movie or a TV show, air conditioning or — well, who wouldn’t want air conditioning? You can now pass the time in a million ways that do not involve toys from the Stone Age, like books. However, the sudden surge of power after a period of electrical isolation can leave you unsure of what to do next. Luckily, this step-by-step guide will show you the light and help you readjust to life with power.
Step 1: Spam all means of mass communication. Now that you are reconnected with the outside world, you must announce your return publicly. I’m talking Twitter, Facebook, text messaging, e-mail, personal blogs, and whatever it takes to let loved ones and semi-strangers alike know that you are okay. If you don’t exist virtually, you don’t exist at all. So tell everyone about the hardships you endured these past few days — maybe even post a status about how dreadful life was without your favorite gaming app.
Step 2: Shop for some better candles — online, of course. Now that you’ve lived life on the dark side, you can fully appreciate the purpose of candles. You usually use candles to fill your house with a warm apple pie scent or to decorate your living room because souvenir candles are so adorable. But when the power goes out and you are clutching the tail end of a lopsided dolphin candle from Hawaii that produces a fingernail of light, you begin to regret your priorities. Browse online for practical candles that will make it through the next technological apocalypse — before Flipper sets your curtains on fire.
Step 3: Revert to your screen-dependent tendencies. Even the most fruitful bee must go home to the hive. You’ve spent enough time dabbling in life’s simple pleasures, from paintings to puzzles. Now it’s time to fire up your laptop and go back to where you belong. The whir of your laptop startup is practically saying, “Welcome home.” So kick back, watch your favorite episode of How I Met Your Mother until your eyes bleed, and abuse your right to electricity as it was intended.